christmas my ass

I always, always, always forget that Christmas comes so soon after Thanksgiving. I think I'm screwed in terms of finances. Sadly, I'll have to properly ration my funds so everyone can get a nice gift and I can pay my bills. One good thing is that weekends at work are pretty busy, so the tips are rolling in. I really think I need to find a new job though because I've been at the ramen house for close to three years. It's just so hard because it's still fun and it's like a second family. Then again, I can't just have worked at Starbucks and a ramen house for all twenty-five years of my life... That's just sad.

And the semester is almost over. The longer I'm in school, the more I think that it's not for me. But what else am I going to do with my life? I don't know... I wish we covered this stuff in high school and they presented us with more than just college or doom once we were done. :\ Ah, I suppose I'll just have to marry someone who knows what they're doing, huh?

profanity season

Last week, I decided that I'd knuckle down and do my homework assignments properly and not at the last minute. Out of the blue, I find out that the second exam of the semester is scheduled for Monday and it's in-class. I clicked the page a dozen times and read it over, hoping I was mistaken or that it was just a joke. But no, it was real. I was just like, 'FUCK.' And I couldn't even start studying because I knew that I would forget by the time Monday rolled around.

Needlessly to say, I studied like crazy this afternoon and ended up knocking out for the rest of the afternoon. I was so freakin' tired after waking up early to see the doctor and have my monthly infusion. It was really easy to accept the impending failure, but I went to school early and did some cramming the hour before.

I think the exam wasn't all that bad. Hopefully I didn't bomb like I thought I would. Hopefully I did as well as I think I did... but time will tell. Either way, I did better than I expected because I predicted an absolute failure. The blank sheet kind with only my name scrawled on the top of it.

Thank God the final will be online. I don't think I can do another one of those.

On another note, I joined the Barnes & Noble membership club thing. Maybe it'll pay off. Maybe it won't. But they have lots of cute Doctor Who gadgets that I just want. Nnngh.

i'm too old to cry

You know, the saddest part about visiting my family in the overseas isn't just leaving. It's coming home to an empty house after being surrounded by company that I never realized I missed. The family relationship was never something I truly got growing up, but my cousins are like the siblings I never had. I know I'll cling to them for a while over the next few weeks.

Then I'll gradually forget.

I'll slowly begin to move on in life.

We won't talk anymore until I head over there again.

I'm sad.

Too sad.

:[ Why is the world so big?

fangirling & other stuff you'll never actually see me do

So check this out.

I was surfing the Goodreads website, just hoping to find some new books to read because... hey, it's summer and I'm going to be flying off to the Philippines soon enough. Anyways, I picked out a few titles before jumping on my Nook to download their samples off the store. This is why I love the Nook or any e-reader for that matter. No one can see whatever trashy, shitty, juvenile novel I decide to read. And they can't judge me on it. For real!

Anyways, the second a pull up the first book, I accidentally tap purchase instead of sample. Well, fuck. I tap somewhere else to try and get out of it, but it ends up being the spot to confirm the purchase. Now I'm like FUUUUUUCKfine. I figure that I'd read it since I just bought it, maybe go through it on the plane in a few weeks.

But no, I finished that book within a day. The thing about me is you can give me a mediocre book and I'll just absolutely love it because my brain does all this other shit with it on its own. My brain is crazy, it just does whatever the fuck it wants. But seriously, I loved the antagonist in Shadow and Bone. I'm just such a sucker for bad guys.

I think I know why I steer clear of all this shit. It's because the littlest things get into my head and set off these short lived intense bouts of fangirling that I am not proud of. More recently it was Sherlock, then it was Doctor Who, now it's this book.

Damn.

i should be more committed

In everything I do, really.

I never really give anything my all because I'm always scared that my best wouldn't be good enough. But you know, as I get older, I find that I have less to lose. I've adopted a 'whatever happens, happens' sort of mentality that really works for me. I don't need to get stressed, I don't need to run after the bus, I can take changed plans and run with them.

I've been feeling great lately, actually. Aside from the recent storms and crucial chest pains... My joints are aching now, but it's only when this happens that I realize just how nice these past few months have been. I'm still tired a lot and it reminds me of the time before I was diagnosed, but I'm managing somehow.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to the solitary life. The getting dressed, going out, drinking, and having fun gets tiring after a while. But then again, I'm lucky to have such a drama free life. Everything is so relaxed and easy, even though I might not realize that all the time.

I spend my weekend nights laughing, playing, snacking, and joking around on my shifts. I spend my free time hanging around my boyfriend's place, driving out into the night or napping. I spend my days at home watching my daughter grow up and studying.

I miss having time to myself, but I think I can manage. I keep thinking that I can't write because I have no free time when in reality I've just been uninspired for too long. I just have to keep at it, whether or not I'll get there someday.

Overall, I think I'm alright right now.

Life is good and I have the summer to look forward too.

Even though everyone has been commenting on my weight. Ugh.

where are you spring?

I wish it'd just get warm already. My car is getting filled with jackets I start off wearing at the beginning of the day. Then when I realize it's super warm, they get shoved in the trunk, never to be seen again. On another note, I need to go on serious diet mode and mean it this time. I'm due to go back to the Philippines in about two months and I'd better slim down fast. I mean... I know I'm going to get ridiculed either way, but I'd rather not feel like shit to begin with. And these fuckers at home are going on me about my weight these days all the time, so whatever. Ugh.

I just want to go out without being frozen. I'm so over winter. Please go away until November.