fangirling & other stuff you'll never actually see me do

So check this out.

I was surfing the Goodreads website, just hoping to find some new books to read because... hey, it's summer and I'm going to be flying off to the Philippines soon enough. Anyways, I picked out a few titles before jumping on my Nook to download their samples off the store. This is why I love the Nook or any e-reader for that matter. No one can see whatever trashy, shitty, juvenile novel I decide to read. And they can't judge me on it. For real!

Anyways, the second a pull up the first book, I accidentally tap purchase instead of sample. Well, fuck. I tap somewhere else to try and get out of it, but it ends up being the spot to confirm the purchase. Now I'm like FUUUUUUCKfine. I figure that I'd read it since I just bought it, maybe go through it on the plane in a few weeks.

But no, I finished that book within a day. The thing about me is you can give me a mediocre book and I'll just absolutely love it because my brain does all this other shit with it on its own. My brain is crazy, it just does whatever the fuck it wants. But seriously, I loved the antagonist in Shadow and Bone. I'm just such a sucker for bad guys.

I think I know why I steer clear of all this shit. It's because the littlest things get into my head and set off these short lived intense bouts of fangirling that I am not proud of. More recently it was Sherlock, then it was Doctor Who, now it's this book.

Damn.

i should be more committed

In everything I do, really.

I never really give anything my all because I'm always scared that my best wouldn't be good enough. But you know, as I get older, I find that I have less to lose. I've adopted a 'whatever happens, happens' sort of mentality that really works for me. I don't need to get stressed, I don't need to run after the bus, I can take changed plans and run with them.

I've been feeling great lately, actually. Aside from the recent storms and crucial chest pains... My joints are aching now, but it's only when this happens that I realize just how nice these past few months have been. I'm still tired a lot and it reminds me of the time before I was diagnosed, but I'm managing somehow.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to the solitary life. The getting dressed, going out, drinking, and having fun gets tiring after a while. But then again, I'm lucky to have such a drama free life. Everything is so relaxed and easy, even though I might not realize that all the time.

I spend my weekend nights laughing, playing, snacking, and joking around on my shifts. I spend my free time hanging around my boyfriend's place, driving out into the night or napping. I spend my days at home watching my daughter grow up and studying.

I miss having time to myself, but I think I can manage. I keep thinking that I can't write because I have no free time when in reality I've just been uninspired for too long. I just have to keep at it, whether or not I'll get there someday.

Overall, I think I'm alright right now.

Life is good and I have the summer to look forward too.

Even though everyone has been commenting on my weight. Ugh.