surprise

It's been nearly a month since I updated this blog. I don't even remember doing it, but according to my last post... I was here. Now I'm back, checking in on myself since I'm the only one that reads this.

I have a growing list of habits that I'm trying to build myself up for. It seems endless and in vain, but I really want to see it through one of these days. One thing I've noticed is that I'm really, really forgetful! I legit need to start writing down thoughts and ideas when I have them because as sure as I am that I'll remember everything that I want to remember, I will always forget! Somehow, I'll need to have a pen and some paper on me at all times.

I've been slacking on my daily medication. I keep jumping around on the prednisone dose, but I think I should keep taking 20mg for now. The weather change has not been kind to my body. As beautiful as it is, I'm so hurt these days. The pain at my back/chest is like a constant knife being pushed into my back and breathing becomes painful. My rheumatologist took an x-ray last time I was there, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Aside from that, my hair has been falling out in some serious amounts. It grows back little baby hairs, but it's falling out quicker than it can grow. So I cut it off to my usual pixie cut to hinder my baldness.

Everyone likes it, but I wanted to grow my hair out for once. Maybe another time.

revival of the dead

I've found that it's a lot easier to be poetic when I'm typing a blog entry as opposed to manually writing with pen to paper these days. I don't know why, but as much as I try to physically write every day it never comes off as something worthy. I've found that writing, while somehow therapeutic and refreshing, is horribly rough and disorganized. I hesitate and overthink a lot, maybe too much, and that's probably why the writing itself turns into a huge, unintelligible mess. Typing text is cleaner and much less prone to consequence.

Maybe that's why I'm having so much trouble with creativity. I'm too meek. Too cautious. Too unwilling to go off the rails and free scribble. I'm working on it. I'm working on a lot of things these days. Currently, I am in the process of cleaning the dark, dusty corners of my room. I'm sorting through the hoarded junk I've accumulated and found that things I had saved out of sentiment five years ago can be thrown out today. So a lot of plastic bags of trash have been coming out of my room. It feels good to get rid of old things to make room for new.

I'm still at the same restaurant. Many things have changed and will continue to change. Being in this industry, you see many people come and go. Some will linger longer than others, but most of them will eventually leave. It's that time of year again and most of our staff has gone back to school or moved onto other things. I'm an old hat and it's hard to leave a place where everyone knows and is nice to me. I'm terrified of going through that new kid phase again where I didn't know everything there was to know about the place I worked.

Health-wise, I'm doing a lot better than I was a few months ago. I'm regularly-ish taking my daily medication and finding that I have so much more energy than I did back then. It feels good and I'm trying to take advantage of this condition to be productive and keep moving. At the same time, I'm mindful about getting enough rest and giving my body some time to recuperate. Things are ok and I'm as thin as I want to be. Most people still believe me when I tell them I'm nineteen years old, so that's a very good thing for me.

I don't know what I'm going to be doing from here on out, but I'm hoping to read more and write more. I need to make it a habit. Hopefully it gets a little easier from there!