In everything I do, really.
I never really give anything my all because I'm always scared that my best wouldn't be good enough. But you know, as I get older, I find that I have less to lose. I've adopted a 'whatever happens, happens' sort of mentality that really works for me. I don't need to get stressed, I don't need to run after the bus, I can take changed plans and run with them.
I've been feeling great lately, actually. Aside from the recent storms and crucial chest pains... My joints are aching now, but it's only when this happens that I realize just how nice these past few months have been. I'm still tired a lot and it reminds me of the time before I was diagnosed, but I'm managing somehow.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to the solitary life. The getting dressed, going out, drinking, and having fun gets tiring after a while. But then again, I'm lucky to have such a drama free life. Everything is so relaxed and easy, even though I might not realize that all the time.
I spend my weekend nights laughing, playing, snacking, and joking around on my shifts. I spend my free time hanging around my boyfriend's place, driving out into the night or napping. I spend my days at home watching my daughter grow up and studying.
I miss having time to myself, but I think I can manage. I keep thinking that I can't write because I have no free time when in reality I've just been uninspired for too long. I just have to keep at it, whether or not I'll get there someday.
Overall, I think I'm alright right now.
Life is good and I have the summer to look forward too.
Even though everyone has been commenting on my weight. Ugh.
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